To Breath or Not to Breath

I haven't been writing because I haven't been skating. After I got back from LP my lungs were feeling full and kind of goopy. My acupuncturist started working to clear them out. I skated a couple of practice sessions and you would think I had been off the ice for months instead of one week. I was panting up a storm and shaky on my blades. Very strange. Then on the way to work the following week I had an asthma attack. I hadn't had one in eight years. Luckily there is a medical center at work and I drove straight there. I ended up with the traditional Albuterol inhaler. This helped except it only lasted three hours instead of six. I went to my regular doctor the next day. I got put on Flowvent. Over the weekend I started hacking up green goo balls. This was not good. Back to the doctor on Monday and I was put on antibiotics. By midweek I had something that was more than a cold but not quite the flu. Off to the doctor again. They told me I had a cold. My coworkers who came down with the same thing got diagnosed with the flu. No diff. I was sick. Really sick. No skating for me.

A week later I was done with the cold/flu but still had asthma and a horrible cough. My ribs ached. I tried skating but I ended up having coughing fits and had to get off the ice after half an hour. (That nearly killed me since I had the entire rink to myself and I just couldn't skate anymore. Bummer!) Back to the doctor and I was put on Advair. All this time I have also been going to the acupuncturist. I can't believe how horrible this has been. It has been making me tired. I get winded just walking the level corridors at work. I have missed four weeks of skating practice and I am supposed to compete this Saturday. Ugh. I am so disappointed and frustrated. I really want to go. I keep talking myself into it and then out of it. After skating for 20 minutes today I had talked myself into going. Then I went to acupuncture and he said, very wisely, "if you are on the fence, stay home and take care of your body. I know how crazy you athletes can get and you need to take care of yourself." Now I am talking myself out of it again.

Things running through my head:

• It isn't like it is a big competition.
• I am only doing two moves in the field patterns and two spins.
• I would be on the ice less than five minutes.
• There is only one other lady competing in my group.
• I am 47 years old what the hell are you beating yourself up for?
• Stay home and take care of yourself.
• There will always be another competition.
• My competition dress never got made since I was too sick to even sew.
• I'm crazy.
• My acupuncturist is right.
• If I was a real athlete I would just suck it up and go anyway.
• I should go just for the experience.

So I vacillate back and forth. I am driving my spouse nuts since we are definitely going one minute and definitely staying home the next. I will have to make up my mind tomorrow. I'll let you know what I decide. Meanwhile I have to practice tomorrow and see what happens.